The dildo is sticking out of the suitcase like a tongue, and I can’t stop looking at it.

I’ve seen plenty of weird shit as a hotel maid, but this dildo isn’t just weird. It’s downright scary. It’s huge for one thing, and it’s so alien-looking. It’s a segmented black and blue bulging thing, with veins and nubs and bulges that make it look like it might belong to the Predator or the Aliens or something. Also it’s very thick, and at least six inches are sticking out of the suitcase on the luggage rack.

How would you even get that inside you? I wonder. And more importantly, how would it feel? A little shiver goes through me as I picture it sliding inside me, stretching me as it goes, bulge by bulge, ridge by ridge… I actually shake my head as if to knock the thought loose from by head, and I go back to making the bed.

That’s some fucked up kinky shit, Lisa, I admonish myself. Guest is probably a fucked-up kinkster here for that sexual health conference in the Evergreen Room.

Sexual health conference, yeah right. That’s a cute name for a hundreds of horny people talking about all their dirty kinks, the whips and chains and butt stuff and alien dicks, apparently. Every year they hold their kink conference and trade show. The other hotel staff call it the Smut Summit. This is my first Summit, and I’ve heard I need a strong stomach to turn rooms while it’s going on. Not just used condoms in the garbage bins or lying around, but used vegetables. And actual puddles of lube and bodily fluids, not just the stains here and there I’m used to.

I shake my head again as I wipe down the bathroom. Not for me, I think. Just give me a regular penis on a regular man. No handcuffs, blindfolds, or cucumbers. No whips, clamps, or butt plugs with tails. Just missionary, thank you ma’am, and a condom to keep fluids away from me, thank you very much.

Still, that dildo, it’s strangely captivating in its own gross way, sticking out like an alien tentacle testing the air outside its luggage-lair.

I’m trying not to estimate how much of its length is still hidden in the suitcase — and what other deviant shit might be in there with the guest’s clothes (and dog costume, probably) when he comes into the room and sees me.

The timing is awful. I’m bent over, picking up a towel out of the bathtub, and he gets a perfect view of my ass through the bathroom door. Just what I need, some horny bastard ogling me.
I straighten up quickly.

“Sorry, sir, I can come back — ”

I say as I walk quickly toward the door and my waiting cart in the hallway. I want out of there. We’re not supposed to be alone in the rooms with guests, and I don’t want to be here with Kinky Dick Man. Speaking of which, I can’t help but steal one last glance at it as I hurry past him. He follows my gaze, sees the dildo, and smirks. And then he steps in front of me, forcing me to stop so I don’t crash into him.

He’s not bad looking for a horny ogling bastard, I have to admit. Strong jaw, sharp nose, pretty eyes, and fashionable one-day stubble.

“Don’t — come back, stay,” he says, still smirking. His voice is deep and rich. “I can show you the rest of what’s in my bag.”

“I, no, I need to — ” I stammer, and try to go by him.

He stops me with a hand on my chest, just under my throat. His fingers are like steel.

“Come on, stay,” he says, playfully, like he’s a guest cat and I’m a maid mouse.

There’s no threat in his voice that I can detect, and no whine. Just confident merriment. Had my creepometer picked up either danger or desperation, I would have removed his hand and kept going. Instead, I just stood there, taking him in.

Handsome face, nice build…though perfect Jack-from-Lost stubble doesn’t mean he’s not a creep. He’s got God knows what sexual torture machines in that suitcase, in addition to that Jabba the Hutt cock…

Eventually I realize a few things at once: I’m staring too long, his hand is still on my chest, and his face is totally at peace, his eyes twinkling, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to rest your palm on a stranger’s clavicle. My skin is hot and tingly where he’s touching my uniform blouse’s collar.

“Sir, I really need to go,” I say, impressed that I keep the waver out of my voice.

I step forward, but he just bends his elbow, absorbing my motion, maintaining the same pressure on my chest.

“You sure? I bet I’ve got something in that bag you’ll like. I saw you look at Kang.”

“What?”

“Kang, one of the drooling aliens from the Simpsons? You don’t get that reference? It’s what I call that model. The matching butt plug is Kodos. Isn’t it awesome?”

“It’s grotesque,” I snap, annoyed with his judgy, mocking tone and his fucking hand on me.

Who watches The Simpsons these days? Probably just smirking, perverted Smut Summiters.

“Now, move your hand, or I’ll call security, the cops, and your Smutty Toys R’ Us boss, in that order.”

“Whoa, easy, Marge,” he says, lifting both hands up in I-surrender gesture and stepping to the side. But the smirk is back. “Just trying to be friendly. It’s just second nature; always gotta be closing, you know, and-”

“You sell that weird shit?” I nod toward the black and blue beast he called Kang.

I hadn’t considered he was selling stuff. I assumed it was for use with some kinky bitch he picked up at the convention. He’s moved, I could get to my cart easily now, and scream my head off in the hallway if I need to; I know the hotel is nearly full. Now I could take a second to indulge my curiosity.

“Why?”

“Why do you keep looking at it? You did it again just now. Is it intriguing you? Is it fascinating? Do you wonder if it feels as strange as it looks, as filling and as stimulating as it looks?”

“I…well — you…” I can’t come up with an answer.

I haven’t stopped wondering about it since I saw it. And he can tell, damn him.

“And don’t call me Marge. My name is Lisa.”

“That’s why I sell them,” he says. “There’s a huge demand for this stuff. Dragon cocks, werewolf cocks, tentacles, you name it. There’s whole genres of porn dedicated to this stuff.”

Kinky shit, just like I thought. What in the hell? What’s wrong with regular dick? It feels good, tastes good, it gets the job done. And just what in the hell does a dragon dick look like? Is it as freaky looking as the Kang dong? I squirm a little thinking about dicks, both regular and draconian.

He crinkles his eyes, as if inspecting my face. “You really haven’t heard of this stuff?” he asks. “I mean, seriously?”

“No,” I say. His scrutiny is burning into my face, making them feel hot. “I don’t go to all the Smut Summits, so sue me.”

“Smut Sum-? Oh, the conference!” he exclaims, his smirk becoming a full blow smile.

It brightens his face, matching his bright white teeth. “That’s pretty good, I’m gonna use that one.” He thrusts a hand out, the same one warming my chest a few minutes before. “I’m Connor. Nice to meet you, Lisa.”

Shocked by the suddenness and intensity of the smile, I shake his hand as if on autopilot. The smile has made his already handsome face like something from the Sistine Chapel.

He winks, and my knees get the slightest bit wobbly. I didn’t realize closing and opening one eye really fast got your panties wet, but here we are. I can feel a dampness between my legs. OK, horny ogling bastard is much better than not bad looking. He’s fucking gorgeous.

“You know that’s a Simpsons name too, right? It suits you better than Marge, anyway. Lisa has spunk, and takes no shit.”

My hand is still in his. He hasn’t let go, and this time, I’m grateful for the touch. I wish he was touching my chest again. That thought comes out of nowhere.

“This Lisa doesn’t either,” I say, amazed my voice still hasn’t betrayed me.

My pussy has; damp isn’t the right word anymore. Dripping might be better.

“I can tell,” he says, and he chuckles. “Now, Lisa, will you allow me to bring you up to speed on the wonderful world of exotic marital aids?”

He releases my hand — no! — and raises his in the surrender gesture again. There’s no smirk or winking now, just wide-eyed innocence. It doesn’t suit him; the winking and smirking are his wheelhouse.

“No pressure to buy.”

“I’ll have a look at your fucked-up kinky shit,” I say, staring at Kang again.

Has it grown since we’ve been talking? Are the ridges more textured? “And I mean a look, Connor. I’m not interested in buying, and I sure as hell am not going to…um….you know?”

“Take them for a test drive?” Connor finishes for me, smirking again. “No worries, No Shit Lisa. But you’re free to touch them, and I think you’ll want to.”

He turns and goes to the suitcase, flipping the lid open. His back is broad under his shirt, and his ass is tight in his pants. Goddamn.

“Oh, why?” I ask, following behind him. OK, following his butt.

“They’re designed specifically to offer sensation,” he says, turning around with Kang in his hands. It’s bigger than I had imagined. “Here, see what I mean.”

He holds the toy out, and a quiver shoots through me as I take it in both hands. It’s big, thick, and solid. It has the ridges I saw from across the room, but also little nubs and veins which I didn’t. They sure would cause a sensation against my stretched out pussy walls. Kang is nearly a foot long, I see, and the base, hidden in the suitcase before, is as wide as my hand. My pussy’s gone from dripping to drenched.

“Surely no one…” I stop, suddenly realizing I’m in this room with a guest (a smoking hot guest at that) holding a huge alien dildo and soaking my panties. What am I doing?!

“Gets it all the way in?” Connor asks. “Oh yes. I’m told all the best textures are at the bottom.”

“Mmmm,” I mumble, despite myself. “I can see.”

“You all right?”

“Sure,” I say, handing Kang back. I’m sorry to lose it even more than I was to lose the feeling of his strong hand in mine. “Just fine.”

He looks at me a second longer, eyes sparkling, before opening the suitcase and tossing Kang in. He rummages around for a bit — there’s a lot of clinking and jangling; probably handcuffs and long metal chains — then turns back. He’s holding little clamps with teeth, connected by a chain. He stretches the chain across his chest and raises his eyebrows.

“Piranhas on the nipples? No.”

He shrugs, tosses the clamps in the suitcase, then comes up with a type of harness with one large loop, fastened with a buckle, then two similar but smaller loops.

“So the big one goes around the neck, and-”

“Nope!”

The harness thingie — perhaps those other two loops are for hands? — goes back in the suitcase, and he grabs what looks like a bouquet of roses. Except the roses and their stems are made of leather, and they all connect to a long handle. The stems, nine of them, have sharp little thorns on them.

“I knew you’d have whips in there,” I say. “And I bet the chains are next?”

Grinning, he pulls out another harness thing, with metal rings instead of leather, each ring linked by heavy chain. “But of course.”

“Absolutely not,” I say, and I’m only half pretending to be repulsed. These things don’t interest me (well, not much) but I can’t help but wonder if he has anything else in there as bewitching as Kang. I want him to keep pulling things out of there until he gets to another good one.

“Hmmm,” he says, turning back to the suitcase. “I don’t know if it gets tamer from here. I mean, there’s gags, pumps, floggers, hoods…oh, I got it!”

He faces me and holds out his find proudly, like he’s won a scavenger hunt. He’s not holding handcuffs or a mask or a Wyvern Wang. The object is pink, and flat on the bottom. What’s resting on his palm looks like a large rose, with petals carved into the soft material, probably silicone, like the rest of his E.T. erection collection. At the top, there’s a shallow hole. I have no idea what it could be for.

“Air freshener?” I guess. “Where do you plug it in?”

He looks at me like I have three heads, and the smirk is back. Bastard. Hot, buff bastard.

“Stick out your finger,” he says.

I just look at him.

“It’s a sex toy for your fingers? I thought the alien dick was weird. Is this some sort of chakra thing, like pressure points? You poke my finger, and I feel it in my hoo-ha?”

He throws back his head and laughs. It sounds even better this time.

“No,” he says finally. “Stick out your finger and I’ll show you. And close your eyes.”

I just stare at him.

“Trust me,” he says, and incredibly, he winks again. And again, I feel it in my cunt. “It will help.”

I am intrigued, and it’s not like he’s binding my hands; I can open my eyes and go for the door at any time if he gets weird. Unless he does grab a hood or mask or spiked blindfold or something from the Torture Trunk. Are footcuffs a thing? I bet he has them in there.

“OK,” I say. I close my eyes, and stick out my pointer finger.

I hear a faint buzz, and then the most peculiar and amazing sensation on my finger: sucking, throbbing, and pulsating all at the same time. I feel it through my finger, my wrist, up my arm, and down through my core. I think a small moan escapes my mouth as I realize exactly what this rose is for, just before Connor says it.

“Now, imagine this on the clit,” he says, his voice like velvet.

I’m painfully aware of my soaked panties and my nipples, erect and pushing against my bra.

“That’s why I had you close your eyes, so you can really concentrate on the sensation.”

“Yes…” I say.

This is even more ridiculous than being turned on by the giant alien dildo; I’m panting over a buzzy toy on my finger, for God’s sake. But…. it’s not just buzzy, to be honest. It throbs, it pulses, it sucks, on my — God it sucks….

I open my eyes, and lock them onto his. Fuck it, I think.

“Do it,” I breathe.

He doesn’t hesitate. Still staring into my eyes, he lifts my skirt with one hand and slides the rose against my clit. Even through my panties, it’s amazing. My knees start to shake, and I lean into him for support, my arms around his neck, his hand squished between us, the toy pressed even harder into me.

“Oh my God,” I breathe against his neck. “Holy shit….”

He grabs my ass then, squeezing it. We’re entangled now, me between his arm around my body, him in my arms, pressing together, this absolutely mind-blowing little machine at our exact centre, my pussy like Earth’s molten core, spreading heat up through us. His cock is hard against by belly.

“Too good, too good, too good,” I moan, and finally my knees give out and my brain goes numb, completely lost in my pleasure.

Connor drops the rose and catches me in both hands before I can sink to the floor. I feel like I’ve been cruelly shaken awake while having one of those intense, blissful dreams you never want to end; my pussy is actually aching, and I’m nearly in tears, I want that sensation back on my clit so bad.

Connor picks me up easily, and sets me down on the bed. It feels like I made it a lifetime ago, even though it’s only been a few minutes. So much has happened since then, and my brain is still fuzzy. He turns to pick up the rose, still buzzing faintly on the floor, and as he does, I hike my skirt up over my belly, and slide my panties down.

“Do it,” I say again, and he presses the suction-cup-like end back onto my clit.

Lying here with my legs open to this handsome guest, this beautiful rose against me, it’s too much, it’s too hot and filthy, and I cum after only a few moments.

“Oh fuck! Fuck!” I yell, arching my back and lifting my ass off the bed as the orgasm tears through me, heat spreading everywhere. “Fuck yes!”

Connor holds the rose against me all though my writhing and panting, and is still holding it when my hips come back down. I’m shocked to discover I’m still horny. Normally my clit is too sensitive after cumming for any more stimulation. Someone’s figured out the exact mix of sensations — the pulsing, the throbbing, the sucking — to keep me going. Connor must have sold a million of these things!

But I want more. More stimulation in more places. I rip open my shirt, shove my bra cups down, and start to massage my hard nipples. The rose is great, but it’s focused almost all my attention on my cunt, and reminded me what it’s for.

What I want now is to be filled up.

“Fuck me,” I say in a husky voice I’ve never heard before.

Shit, a girl has one orgasm with a flower-shaped sex toy, and turns into a filthy porn star. No, Connor must have sold billions of these things — husbands would spread the word that one rosegasm turns their wives into cock craving sluts.

Connor doesn’t look surprised; he knows his products. He just stands, and removes his clothes. I only spend a second taking in his muscular shoulders, chests and arms before admiring his hard cock. It doesn’t have nubs at the base, but it does have veins and it does look big.

When he turns back to the suitcase, and I get an eyeful of that broad back and tight ass, as I wonder if he has something that can outshine the rose.

No, he’s picked up Kang the King-sized Cock. Just seeing it again makes me squirm. He knows his products. And his prospective customers too, apparently.

He kneels on the bed, holding Kang out. I let go of my nipples and move my fingers to my pussy, pulling the lips apart. He slides the tip in smoothly, the textures at the head grazing deliciously at the entrance to my soaking cunt. He keeps sliding, each millimetre bringing its own new sensations, each centimetre forcing me open just a little more.

“Holy shit,” I moan as he pauses. “Don’t stop!”

“I won’t,” he says. “But I can’t hold back any longer. My cock needs attention too!”

He crawls up the bed so that his cock — even more beautiful up close — is level with my face. I open my mouth and he slides it in, much faster than he slid Kang in my cunt. I suck him eagerly, loving the soft skin and musky taste of his dick. He puts one hand on the back of my head, encouraging me to suck him faster, while he uses the other to start pushing the alien dildo further up into me.

I moan against the base of his shaft as he forces more and more of the dildo in me, filling me up and stretching me more than I ever thought possible. My full, wet, mouth and my full, wet cunt are making me delirious. Connor is panting above me as he thrusts into me.

I look up to see him looking down at me. The smirk is a distant mystery, his eyes are far away with lust, and his lips are pressed into a thin line as he concentrates on fucking my mouth.

“Holy fuck, Lisa,” he growls. “Your mouth feels amazing! And you’ve taken half of Kang so easily!”

I nearly choke on his cock. Only half? I’m so full already! And this means there’s still a lot more stretching to come, not to mention those nubs at the bottom…. the thought sends me into overdrive, and this time I do choke on his cock, as I push myself onto him much harder than he’s been pressing on my head. He gets the message, and forces Kang even deeper into me, stretching me a little more with each second.

I fucking love it, even as it feels like I might split in two. It feels so goddamn good to feel so goddamn full. I hold Connor’s cock in my throat for as long as I can, before pulling off with a gagging sound, spit connecting my lips and the base of his cock.

“Jesus,” Connor says as I catch my breath. “I guess you want all of it?”

“Yes,” I say, looking up to him, chest still heaving. “All of both!”

“Fuck yes,” he groans, and slides his wet cock back into my mouth, all the way to the base.

Once there, he pushes Kang into me with the same smooth, merciless plunge.
The walls of my cunt are stretched so thin, I imagine I can feel every millimetre of every ridge, every molecule of every kernel on the silicone surface scraping them. My hole is stretched thin around Kang’s base too, the nubs rasping against the entrance. I moan around Connor’s cock. I am absolutely crammed full.

After a minute, Connor slowly slides the dildo out a few inches, then back in, out and in. Soon he finds a smooth rhythm, fast enough for vigorous friction, slow enough than I can savour the sensations each motion brings. I moan and start to rub my nipples again, wiggling my ass against the bed to rub against the dildo even more. Connor pulls back from my throat and starts to mirror the dildo’s thrusts with his cock, sliding out until the head is on my lips, then back in again.

I didn’t think anything could feel as good as the pulsating rose. I was wrong; there’s being stuffed by a freaky-ass dildo and a yummy cock at the same time.
Connor’s pace picks up, and soon he’s fucking my face frantically. After a few moments, he grunts.

“I’m going to cum!” he yells, and his cock pulses, each pulse sending a glob of his hot cum into my mouth.

I’ve never tasted cum before, but I like it: hot, salty, slimy on my tongue. It feels so nasty to swallow it down, nasty like the sluts who use Connor’s toys, the nipple clamps, the butt plugs with tails. And of course, the alien cocks, the Ferengi Phalluses.

Feeling so nasty, a man’s cum sliding down my throat, and a huge thrusting dildo stretching me wide open, is too much.

There’s a tension in me, and a feeling like an overflowing cup; something’s got to break. I’m going to explode, like a ton of C-4 on the Hoover dam.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckgodamn!” I scream, pinching my nipples and lifting my ass off the bed as I cum.

Connor gives the dildo a final thrust, pushing until the base is against my swollen entrance. A heat travels from my cunt through my torso, spreading out into my limbs, and especially my head. Everything goes dark for a second as I’m engulfed in ecstasy.

When I finally come back to myself, I see Connor looking down at me, again looking like he won a contest. But not a scavenger hunt this time; it’s like he solved a complex puzzle.

In a way, I think as I lay there, savouring the glow that the flush of orgasmic heat has become, I guess he did. And the puzzle he had to solve was: what have I got in the Suitcase of Smut that will conquer this prudish maid’s repulsion to kinky sex?

I’m not even fucking bothered, because all the bother has been fucked out of me.

“So,” he says, smiling at me, as he slowly pulls Kang from my pussy, “Another happy customer?”

“Well…mostly,” I say.

There’s a wet plop! sound as he pulls Kang free of my cunt. I feel my cum leaking out, pooling on the comforter between my asscheeks. So nasty, I think again, and I feel a little shiver go through me. Nope, not bothered at all.

“Mostly? That’s not how it sounded when you were gulping down my cock and my cum!”

“Mostly, because I think maybe I’m willing to sample some more from the Suitcase of Smut,” I say. “I’m especially interested in the matching alien butt plug you mentioned.”

“Kodos,” Connor says, nodding. “Oh yes, if you liked Kang — and it’s pretty clear you did, I can see how much between your legs — you’ll love him!”

“But I bet you don’t sell the cheap stuff,” I say. “I’m sure my sampling will come with a pretty big price tag.”

“You’re right,” he says, lying down beside me, and taking me in his arms.

“How much for everything?”

“A couple grand at least,” he says, after a pause.

A shocked pause, no doubt. “The CliTorrid, the rose, it alone goes for $300. Why?”

“I’m on a maid’s salary, and I was wondering — will you take it in trade?”

“The whole case?!”

“Yes.”

“Well, that depends,” he says. The eye sparkle and the smirk are back.

“On what?”

“How much fucked up kinky shit you’re willing to do.”

“Let’s talk about it while you’re finding more stuff in that suitcase to fuck me with. Leave the cucumber, though, I want your cock.”

“The cucumber?! What are you talking abou — ”

“Shut up, and hurry. My shift ends in three hours. Let’s keep our own Smut Summit going — make sure you grab the piranha clamps and the Predator Plug.”

Enjoyed this story?

The Salesman’s Case appears in Bad Behaviour, a collection of filthy, funny, dark, strange, and delightfully irresponsible erotica.